


Dear Jean

by JackOfTheBox



Category: Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Post-Marcos death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 10:26:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10829373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackOfTheBox/pseuds/JackOfTheBox
Summary: "I'm sorry, but it's not your fault"





	Dear Jean

Dear Jean,

If you're reading this, I'm sorry. I know you probably tried your best to save me. But it's not your fault. So please don't blame yourself.

I asked Connie to give this to you if I died. And I asked Sasha. And Mikasa. I even asked Eren (just in case). So since you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you behind, Jean. And I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough. But I said it's not your fault, and I meant it. It's not.

I really hope you don't feel the need to avenge me or perform some other odd act of heroics. But I can't control you, so if you do, please just be careful. Don't be reckless. I don't want to see you with me anytime soon, alright?

Look, I know I can't control you, or your actions, because I know you'll do whatever your heart is set on. That's the kind of person you are. That's what you do. Just know you don't have to change your goals just because I'm gone.

I know I promised that I'd join the Military Police with you, and I'm really sorry i can't be there to fulfill that promise to you. but please know that you can still join. Or you can join the Scouting Regiment. Or maybe even the Garrison Regiment (although I doubt you'd join them).  
It doesn't matter which one you choose, Jean, because I know you'll do great. You might not realize it, but you are so many things, Jean. Use your strength. I know that, no matter what, you will be useful in humanity's battle against the Titans. You are strong, and you are smart. Never for a second should you doubt that.

I hope you find your place, wherever you go, and I hope your choices benefit you.

If you should find the time, could you tell my family how my life ended? Tell them I fought bravely, even if I didn't.

I know it's probably too late, but please don't grieve too much over me. I'm definitely not the first to be eaten, and I certainly won't be the last. So I'd much rather you fought harder and braver now rather than shy away from battle. However, I know you won't back away from a fight, because you're Jean Kirschtein. My Jean.

I'm sure I miss you, wherever I may be after death. I might not be anywhere, of course. I don't like to think about death, but I'm sure no one does. I also know that it's inevitable, and that no one can stop it. Not even you. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Whatever you do, wherever you go, I hope you make some new friends. I want you to be as happy as you can be. Live your life, Jean. I want you to be happy. only wish I could be with you to witness every moment of joy. So please, Jean, do me a favor? Smile. If not for anything else, for me. Smile for me, Jean. I'd thank you for that.

I respected you, Jean. You are my best friend, and yet I kept something from you only because of my respect for you and our friendship. It was the biggest secret of my life, and I regret only telling you in the event of my death.

I love you. I will never know if I could have had the strength to tell you. You are my best friend, but I love you. Nothing that could ever happen in life or death could ever change that, could ever take my love for you away from me. I wish I could have told you, and I suppose I will forever regret telling you only now, when there is no possible way for you to act on it. But at least you know, even though the news follows my loss. I love you, Jean Kirschtein, with all my heart. And my love for you made me a better, stronger person and I hope it does the same for you.

At the end of all this, I truly am sorry, Jean. As much as it hurts me, I'm sure it hurts worse for you. But this wasn't your fault. I could never blame you for my death (or much of anything, really). However sad it may be, everyone's time together ends, so I'm sorry ours ended much too shortly.

I love you, Jean. Goodbye.

~Marco Bodt


End file.
